Issue 37

The Olb City Announcer

Volume 4, Issue 7
April 18th-April 24th, 2021

Luke Jasil Kidnapping Mystery Solved!

By Tony Yuan

8930 Wensal Lane-Private investigator Sai G. has solved the long-standing mystery of the presumed kidnapping of famous soccer player Luke Jasil. The culprit was determined to be 59 year old Frederick Winston. According to the OCPD, Winston was illegally smuggling wine and alcohol by hiding it in Pringles cans. Winston was also convicted of stealing caviar from multiple luxury stores and also hiding it in Pringles cans. Since Jasil lives close to Winston's house, one day while Jasil was going on a run he saw Winston drinking wine out of a Pringles can. Jasil wrote a letter to Winston inquiring about the strange sight, and shortly after, he was kidnapped. Jasil was found in a state of delerium in Winston's neighbor's house; it seems that Winston's neighbor was also a collaborator in the wine-smuggling operation. Both people have been sentenced to 365 years in prison on three hundred and forty five charges of wine and alcohol smuggling, twenty charges of shoplifting, one charge of kidnapping, and one charge of holding a person hostage.


by Owen Miyazoi

Artist Kintrol Raven unveiled a new artwork on Monday featuring a view of the streets of Olb City from the edge of Olb Plaza, in the style of Impressionist Gustave Caillebotte. It is to go on display in the OCAM next week as part of the upcoming exhibit Impressionists of Olb City.


By Sam-Louis Alrocaet

Shreet announced the building of a new sports arena for their new football team, the Shreetian Scorpions. The Scorpions are expected to have a strong start in next year's season. The arena will feature 50,000 seats, a retractable roof, 130 restaurants, and more. It will start construction in May and is supposed to be finished in January 2022 at a cost of 500,000 Arenzos.


By Mezoir Logan

Temperatures should be about the same as last week, hovering around 28 degrees Celsius. On Friday the temperature will go to about 33 degrees Celsius, which will be the hottest recorded temperature this year.

Coronavirus Report: The Pandemic is OVER!!!

By Owen Miyazoi

Cases have finally dropped to ZERO after many months of pandemic! Vaccinations are still going on, with 15 million people vaccinated so far. President Avila and many other government officials held a ceremony to commemorate the occasion, but Avila says that everybody needs to get tested because we don't know if there are any asymptomatic cases or cases that have not been discovered yet.

Feature: Meilleur Acel

By Lorenzo Avila & Tony Yuan

Today we interviewed Meilleur Gâteau Acel, owner of Acel's Bakery in New Paris. He and his bakery achieved some degree of fame in the cooking community on Monday when he won the coveted 1st place award on the French baking competition show GPF. Mr. Acel is also known for his famous 2013 deal with Dripping Cone, in which he became the first small business to collaborate with the ice cream giant.

Olb City Announcer: Hi! Thanks for coming! Could you tell us a bit about the history of your bakery?

Meilleur Acel: Sure! So it all started when my grandmother decided to open a bakery in New Paris, after she had immigrated there from France in the 1950s. She was a truly amazing chef! Whenever I wandered past the kitchen while she was cooking, she would drag me over and show me how to bake bread from scratch, weather I wanted to have a cooking lesson or not. Unfortunately, my grandmother passed away when I was 13, and from then on my mom taught me. My dad had passed away of cancer only two months before I was born, so we donate 25% of our bakery's profits to cancer research at the Department of Medicine at Arenztopia University.

OCA: I am so sorry for your losses, could you tell us a bit about your famous deal with Dripping Cone?

MA: Sure! So one day, right out of the blue, I got a call from Claire P., the CEO of Dripping Cone. And then she was like, “Hey, we would like to make a chocolate cake-flavored ice cream flavor based on one of your chocolate cakes, would that be alright with you?” and I was like, “Yeah, ok,” and I thought it was a prank call. A week later I got another call from Claire saying that I would get 25% of the profits, would that be okay with me? and I said yes and assumed that it was another prank call. Then a month later I went to a Dripping Cone store and saw a chocolate cake-flavored ice cream that had a little sign on top of it, and the sign said “Based on a cake made by Acel's Bakery.” And then when I went to check the mail, and there was a bright blue envelope with a check inside for 4,000 Arenzos and a note that said, “Dear Mr. Acel, here is your 25% share in the profits made through sales of an ice cream flavor based on something that you made. Thank you for collaborating with us! From, Dripping Cone.” and I was like, wow, this is actually real, and I went home to tell my family.

OCA: Cool! What is your favorite dessert you make at the bakery?

MA: The Étonnante Chocolate Cake, for sure. We make an espresso and dutch dark chocolate cake, with liberal amounts of our secret-recipe chocolate syrup. Then once it is out of the oven and cooled, we top it with our famous chocolate frosting, our hand-made chocolate truffles and strawberries sourced from local farms.

OCA: Well, that looks like all the questions we have for you today! Thank you for coming!

MA: Thank you for inviting me!

This interview has been edited for length and clarity.

Woodchuck Criminals Caught Update

By Owen Miyazoi

This is an update to the cover story in Issue 36.

The Woodchuck criminals were revealed to be John Kanhson, Tom McBluecal, Chris Owens, and Harry Rasdin, as expected. Their respective attorneys all appealed after they were convicted, and the appeals court reviewed the sentence; they were found guilty again and sentenced to three consecutive life sentences each, without parole.

Mummy Tomb Found

By Sam-Louis Alrocaet

On Tuesday, famous archaeologist Ishaan P. discovered a tomb built in the Ancient Egyptian style hidden underneath the Arenztopian Desert. The tomb contained two mummies, a room with many expensive books, and another, hidden room with over 5 million Arenzos worth of gold. The mummies are believed to be that of a wealthy Arenztopian landowner named Abasi Adel and his wife. They famously requested to be mummified in 1924 at the height of the European mummy craze. Abasi had his mummy buried in a previously secret location known only to him, his wife, and the contracting company employed to dig it.

G. B. MacEmhoff's Personal Records Released

By Owen Miyazoi

The personal records of famous media and oil magate Gaylord Brownings MacEmhoff, more commonly known as G. B. MacEmhoff, were finally released by the government after the allotted time of 50 years for prominent historical figures. MacEmhoff was an Irish-American who immigrated to Arenztopia and made a previously unknown but gigantic amount of money wildcatting in the Arenztopian Desert and investing in the stock market. He was convicted of fraud in 1970 and the American government siezed all of his personal property the following year, before turning it over to the Arenztopian government in 2020. The records show the true extent of his wealth, the amount of money lost in the vast fraud that he sponsored, and the extent of his estate. His net worth peaked in 1947 at over 100 billion Arenzos; he frauded people out of 46 billion Arenzos; and his estates covered a total of 12,890 square acres.

Book Recommendation

By Sam-Louis Alrocaet

Today we recommend the excellent article “I Recommend Eating Chips” by Sam Anderson for the New York Times. It is funny and amplifies the experience of eating chips into a true literary masterpiece. You can read it here, but you'll have to bypass the paywall somehow.


By Lorenzo Avila


less than 2 months
we will have the break
we have been waiting for


By Owen Miyazoi

Szbzl Nrbzazpr, a local politician, passed away at the age of 92 on Monday. He was active in the 1960s and 70s as an essential component of the famous Oayah Movement to urbanize Olb City. You can show sympathy by visiting his memorial page at or by calling 680-292-0192.